No Yesterdays
by Embroidered-Misery
Summary: I promise to remain true to you, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live. Sometimes mistakes happen and for Kira and Lacus, moving on is one of the hardest things to do.
1. Relationships Are Like Broken Glass

**Main Pairing: **None

**Summary: "**I promise to remain true to you, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live." Sometimes mistakes happen, and for Kira and Lacus, moving on is one of the hardest things to do.

**Warning:** Contains course language, and mature thyme. Not recommended for anyone under 14 years of age.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed/ Destiny; they belong to Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency. No trademark infringement intended and no money was made from this fan fiction. Any similarity to names or events to any individual or other works is coincidental.

* * *

**No Yesterdays**

Chapter One: Relationships Are Like Broken Glass

"I'm so sorry."

Ignoring my call he continued to pack his belongings, and I helped him.

I helped fold his cloths and place them inside his single suitcase I helped because it was the only thing I could think too do, every move I made was mechanical.

I could feel the tears dripping down my face as I held one of his shirts in my hands, he was leaving, and I couldn't stop him.

"Please…" I begged.

He looked up at me; so many emotions ran through those eyes that I love so much.

Anger, resentment, confusion, but most all…hurt.

Continuing with his packing he didn't spare me a glance.

"There is nothing left to say."

I winced at his words; I wished that I could just go back in time and change everything. I wouldn't have done what I did. I wouldn't have betrayed his trust, I would have been a good wife, I would have been better to him.

"How can you say that? After all we've been through?" I asked my voice was shaky and it hurt to look at him. It hurt to look at the man I love so dearly, the man who was about to walk out of my life.

He shut is suitcase and turned to look at me. "It's not that hard to understand Lacus. I thought you were happy with me, I thought….you loved me."

"I do!"

I was shouting and my tears continued to fall, I didn't care that I was practically begging, I didn't care that I was so pathetic. I just needed him…to stay.

He glared, his handsome face contorting with heart ache.

"If you loved me then you wouldn't have done something so cruel. You wouldn't have _slept_ with him."

I gasped, the air leaving my lungs as I shook with every word he through at me. But he didn't sound angry, just hurt, that's what stung most, the fact that he still loved me enough not to be angry. Never ever had he raised his voice to me, never had he ever called me a name, he was perfect. He was everything that I couldn't manage to be.

"I know, what I did was wrong but…"

"Do you still love him?" a small voice, like one of a child.

It was a hard question, one that I couldn't answer with out hurting him further. If I said yes, he would be heart broken. If I said no he would be confused of why I would betray him in such a way with a man I did not care for.

"I love you more." I could manage that, there was no hesitation. I loved him more than life itself.

Tears welled in his eyes but he stopped them. Somehow I wished that he would cry, so I could comfort him but…he never cried for himself, only others. That's why he was able to stop the tears before they broke his barriers.

"I'm leaving. I'll be back for my things in a few days." He spoke clearly but his eyes never left our bed, where he found _us_ together.

"Please, just stay until tomorrow morning, what am I suppose to tell the kids when you don't come down for breakfast?" I hated doing this, using our children as a bargaining tool.

"I'm not disappearing Lacus. I'll come by to see them of course; nothing will keep me away from them. But I won't stay and live my life in a loveless marriage for them. It wouldn't be fair to them. They are still young, they won't fully understand for a few more years."

_Years…_

I sobbed. "I didn't mean it. It was a mistake, that's all. It meant nothing!" I cried. I went to him and hid my face in his chest, but he didn't wrap his arms around me, he didn't console me, he just stood there. Like a stone statue.

"I have to go." He whispered and left the bedroom.

I remained still for several seconds. I looked at our bed, the sheets were tangled and messy, the pillows where scattered on the floor. My cloths which I hadn't put back on (I had only pulled on my bath robe) were everywhere. I couldn't cry anymore, I had done a terrible thing.

"Kira, wait!"

Rushing through the halls and down the stairs I came to a stop at the front door where I spotted Kira and someone else who I thought had left well over an hour ago.

"A-Athrun, what are you still doing here?" I could hear the worry in my voice. Kira had his back to me, he was staring at Athrun, I couldn't see his face but from Athruns reactions, he was either very angry or he looked like he was about to cry.

Athrun, now fully clothed, looked at my husband with a mixture of shame and worry. "Kira…you don't have to leave."

I watched as Kira clenched his fists, his knuckles holding the suitcase handle turning white. I silently begged for Kira to listen to Athrun, he was his best friend after all.

"Athrun, please…let me leave."

Athrun glared at Kira and took a step forward; he was right up to his face.

"I'm not letting you leave her like this."

I heard a sound from Kira; I couldn't identify it but is almost sounded like a growl coming with in chest.

"You have a family Kira; think about what you're walking out on. Two handsome sons, a little girl, a beautiful wife, do you know how many men are envious of that?"

"Like you?" Kira spat. I had never heard such a tone from him; it was dark, holding no emotion but hostility.

"Kira…" I said approaching but Athrun held up a hand, telling me to stay back.

Athrun took a firm stance but backed away a step.

"Yes, I am envious. Cagalli…she doesn't want kids. Her schedule just can't make room for a child just yet."

"So you decided to sleep with my wife?"

I winced at that comment, I never felt dirtier in my entire life. I didn't want to be with Athrun, I love Kira.

"It's not like that Kira…" I whispered and hugged him from behind. I must have startled him because he stiffened slightly.

Kira turned out of my embrace. "Why did you two do it? At least answer me that before I make my decision…" The look on his face was different from anything I had ever seen before, his eyes held nothing. "Was I such a terrible husband, friend?" Kira asked looking at both of us.

A minute went by before I broke the silence.

"I was…lonely…you were so busy with Orbs military that I felt that you never had time for me anymore. You come home from work, and then spend time with the kids, but when was the last time you spent any real time with me? We had sex but it felt mechanical, like you felt moreas an obligation than a desire." I explained. "Then Athrun started coming over more, then one night you weren't home and…."

I felt the tears again, keeping my head down I tried to avoid eye contact. I would not look at him; I couldn't look at someone who in no way deserved what I had done to them.

"I needed Lacus just as much as she needed me Kira. I love her."

That's what stopped everything. I could feel the tension in the room build and my heart stop. I looked up to see Kiras face completely blank, he eyes were shadowed by his hair, but I could still make out the faint glow of his gaze shining with anger.

"What about my sister?" Kira asked his voice was sharp, a voice that belonged to a General not my Kira.

"I plan on telling her everything. We'll have to get a divorce and then…" Athrun looked at me. I shook my head no, I knew what he wanted.

Every time he came over he looked at my children longingly. When they ran up to Kira, laughing when he picked them up or ruffled their hair, he would always look jealous. Athrun wanted a family, something that Cagalli could not give him at the moment.

I just kept shaking my head no. I wouldn't let this happen, Athrun wanted a family, and with time he grew to want mine and Kiras. He loved our children but he was the uncle, not the father. I wouldn't be with Athrun, maybe there was a time when I would, but not now, not when I had Kira in my life.

"I'm sorry."

It was the only thing I could say. Sorry to Athrun, I knew how much he wanted a family, but I couldn't give him mine. Sorry to Kira, whose love I betrayed, and I could never regain his trust completely.

Kiras looked confused but then when he looked into my eyes and then back to Athruns pleading face, he knew.

"You bastard!" Kira screamed and lunged at Athrun.

Everything happened so quickly. I saw Kira grab Athruns collar and bring his left fist back too punch Athrun in the jaw.

I screamed as Athrun staggered when Kira let him go, only to recover and lung back. He managed to knock Kira back into the wall but Kira blocked a punch headed for his face. Brining his other arm up he managed to hit Athrun in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

"Stop it!" I shouted, both men weren't listening, Athrun recovered again and made a move to hit Kira in the chest, when Kira blocked Athrun managed to hit Kira in the mouth.

Blood dripping from a cut lip Kira attacked again both of them ended up on the floor, grappling for a moment before Kira managed to flip Athrun onto his back. I had never seen Kira fight before, but suddenly I was fearful for Athruns safety, Kira could kill him. I was sure of that, Kira had received formal training from Orb once he became General, Athrun was a trained soldier as well, but my husband had the upper hand, he was angry. He had however not gone Berserk, I was thankful for that.

Rushing over I seized Kira around the shoulders as he continued to punch Athrun.

"Kira! Please, stop it!" I yelled trying to pull him away from Athrun, but he didn't move.

He only stopped when a cry came from the top of the stair case.

"Daddy?"

* * *

**Authors Note:** _Taking on a new approach…_

_1) I've never written in the first person for so long before and I'm finding it a bit of a challenge. I figure that if I try it out with a couple of short chapters that I should be able to grasp the method in no time…I hope._

_2) This story is not going to be very long…5 chapters max…maybe not even that much._

_3) As far as Kiras and Athurns little fight scene I think I made it a bit too one sided. I'm assuming that if Kira got some formal training that he would be able to hold his own with Athrun. Plus, remember Kira is very angry at this point in time._

_4) To clear a few things up, yes Athrun and Lacus were having relations and Kira walked in on them. _

_5) This story takes place about 8 years after Gundam Seed Destiny, so the characters are 26-27 still young, but old enough to have a family._

_Read and Review_

_Thank you._


	2. Pieces of the Puzzle

**Main Pairing: **None

**Summary:** I promise to remain true to you, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live. Sometimes mistakes happen and for Kira and Lacus, moving on is one of the hardest things to do.

**Warning:** Contains course language, and mature thyme. Not recommended for anyone under 14 years of age.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny, they belong to Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency. No trademark infringement intended and no money was made from this fic. Any similarity to names or events to any individuals or other works is coincidental.

* * *

**No Yesterdays**

Chapter Two: Sometimes Pieces of the Puzzle Aren't Worth Finding

I sighed deeply and pressed the cold compress to Athruns bruised jaw.

"Ouch…" Athrun murmured as he took the compress from me.

I didn't say anything I just took a seat next to him at the kitchen table. I had managed to get my son back to bed after he had walked in on Kira and Athrun fighting, but I would have to do a lot of explaining in the morning.

Athrun looked at me with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry."

I frowned. "He's not going to come back is he?"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow Lacus, nothing actually happened after all."

I flinched, nothing had happened….right.

"He saw us."

Athrun flinched again as he pressed his fingers to his jaw, inspecting the damage done there. "He saw me, I didn't mean to take things so far….I was just…"

I looked at Athrun, I waited for an answer.

"I don't know what I was Lacus. Over these past months I was beginning to see something in you I hadn't before. I saw myself happy with you, with a family."

Tears came to my eyes again. "He saw us, he saw us on the bed."

"Nothing happened."

"It was going to."

Athrun stood. I followed him.

"Are you sure you're alright."

"Splendid."

"I've never seen him like that." I said more to myself than Athrun. I had never seen Kira so angry. I had done a terrible thing; I brought that side out of him.

"You have to tell him. He's Kira after all, he'll understand."

"I wouldn't forgive him, if it was me in his place." I said softly, it was the truth, I don't think my heart would have forgiven such an act.

"Lacus, listen to me, this isn't your fault. I'll explain everything to Kira. He'll listen to me." Athrun gave me a hug and stroked my hair.

I shook my head. "He won't listen. We were having relations Athrun."

"We were just kissing."

"We were nude." I reminded him bluntly.

Athrun blushed hotly. "Ok, yes but wasn't it you who said "I can't do this"?"

"Yes…"

"So you did nothing wrong, I'll take another beating if need be. But I…I love you Lacus. I really do. I love you enough to make things right. I won't let Kira walk away from you." Athruns voice was determined, and passionate.

I began crying again. "Athrun, it doesn't matter, I almost…oh God I almost."

"But you didn't!"

"Does it matter!?" I shouted at him. Suddenly I felt resentment towards Athrun, why did he have to come over tonight? Why did he ever have to kiss me? Why did I let him?

"What about Cagalli?"

Athrun looked away. "Like I said…I'll have to divorce her. I'm the adulterer Lacus, I took advantage of you."

"I let you."

Athrun took me by the shoulders and held me firmly, for a second I was afraid of what he would do.

"You listen to me. You did nothing wrong Lacus! You pushed me away, you were lonely, I know how much Kira was working, and why else do you think I picked tonight to find out if you felt the same for me as I do you?"

I pushed him away; I hated nothing more than his touch right now. "You don't understand, I let you kiss me, I let you into our bedroom, and I lied bare with you. I did that to Kira, how can he ever forgive me!?" I was sobbing now. I couldn't stop myself and soon I began to hiccup and my chest ached.

"Lacus…please, stop blaming yourself."

"I don't know what to do."

"I'm calling Kira." Athrun said and headed for the phone. I watched him wide eyed as he dialed Kiras cell number and waited. I was torn, I didn't want to have to listen to this, I didn't want to here Athrun confirm that Kira hated me. But I wanted Kira to know, I wanted him to know that me and Athrun never complete our -would be act of adultery, that Athrun never took me. That I was still his, I stilled belonged to Kira.

I shuddered, memories of earlier tonight running through my mind…

_Flashback_

"_Lacus…" _

_I jumped turning around to see Athrun standing at my bedroom doorway. "Athrun…you startled me."_

"_I put the kids to bed…they…they were asking for Kira." Athrun explained. He had been a big help these last few couple of weeks. Kira had been staying later and later at work. He and Cagalli had been busy with a few projects, and I couldn't help but frown when Athrun mentioned Kiras absence. The kids missed him almost as much as I did._

_  
"I know, they ask for him every night."_

_Athrun stayed in the door way. "He's away often."_

"_He is." I replied in short. I felt awkward around Athrun suddenly. Normally he left with a quick goodbye after he helped me put the children to bed. Why was he still here?_

"_May I come in?" Athrun asked, indicating to the space between us._

_Despite my better judgment I nodded yes._

_He crossed the distance and stood in front of me at the edge of mine and Kiras bed. _

"_Is…is there something wrong Athrun." I asked. I felt myself growing more and more uncomfortable, he was looking at me weird, he was looking at me the way I found Kira looking at me, plus something else._

"_No, everything is perfect." Athrun said softly and move towards me._

_I opened my mouth to protest but found it covered swiftly by another's, Athruns._

_I made a motion to push Athrun away but he held my hands in his. I moved my head to objection but Athrun moved with me. I felt my fight dying down. Athruns presence reminded me of Kira before we went to bed each night. Something that didn't happen often now._

_I went to bed alone, I woke up to see Kira dressed and ready to leave. Athrun was kissing me like Kira did, like Kira used to. Each night before we made love, he would kiss me softly, like Athrun was now._

_But then I was reminded that this was Athrun, not Kira._

"_Please don't." I whispered as I felt a tugging on my cloths._

"_Shhh…" Athrun cooed, I moved my hands again, to push him away, but this time my hands felt bare skin, when had he taken his shirt off?_

_I made a move to step back, but I only found myself lying down. I hadn't notice that we had we had moved to the bed. _

"_Stop…" I shuddered when I felt the cold air on my own skin. Athrun had my dress in his hands._

_I began to panic. What was I doing, how could I do this to Kira. I don't love Athrun, I don't. I love Kira._

_I felt dirty, I felt tainted. Covering myself with my arms I managed to remove my lips from Athruns. _

"_I can't do this…"_

_Athruns eyes widened and he seemed to panic as well. "Lacus…I'm so…"_

"_What is going on here!?"_

_Everything froze; both our heads snapped to the doorway, there stood Kira. Still dressed in his military uniform and his eyes were wide with hurt, and confusion._

_I took a moment to look at myself and Athrun, lying naked in the tangled sheets of an unmade bed. _

_Athrun stood, handing me a robe before putting his own cloths back on, Kira watched his gaze changing from furious to hurt each time his eyes passed from Athrun to me. Athrun dressed quickly and looked at me, asking silently if I needed him to stay. I shook my head no, and watched him walk pass Kira._

_I held the robe tight against my body, ashamed of what I had done. I was a terrible person. How could I have hurt someone I love in such away? I had let another man touch me, how could I even bare to call myself a loyal wife._

"_I'm so sorry."_

_Kira ignored me and grabbed a suitcase from the closet, and began packing, on shaking knees I followed him, and began to help him._

_End Flashback_

"He's coming back…"

I looked up from my pondering to see Athrun; I had never seen him look so ashamed of himself. Athrun was always such a proud man.

"I told him, everything." Athrun said his voice was sad, and he looked at me hopefully.

"Thank you Athrun, but I'm just as guilty as you are."

"I took advantage of your loneliness. Why don't you see that?"

I shook my head and took Athruns hands in mine. "Because I'm supposed to be a wife Athrun. I'm not supposed to let another man touch me, look upon me. I'm supposed to be loyal."

"You've broken no vow."

"I was to remain true to him, till death do us part."

Athrun seemed like he was about to argue but footsteps stopped him. Kira was back, I imagine he didn't travel very fare before Athrun had called.

"In the kitchen." Athrun called out, and a moment later Kira joined us.

I didn't look at him.

Athrun stood. "I do love her Kira. I fell in love with her; I wanted something I couldn't have with Cagalli, a family."

Kira was silent.

"She was lonely, you neglected her, and I took advantage of that. I'm sorry, but I don't regret it. I'll treat Cagalli right, I'll tell her everything, and she deserves to know the truth."

"I thought you were my friend." I heard Kira say his voice was firm, but it was quiet.

"I am."

A long pause followed, until Kira broke it.

"Please leave."

"I won't leave her alone with you." I heard Athrun say, he sounded worried.

"I would never lay a hand on her. I want to talk to my wife Athrun, in _private_…if you please."

A second later I heard footsteps leave and the front door open and close. Not a moment later Kira was kneeling in front of me, his sad eyes looking deep into mine.

"Lacus…"

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, I didn't want him to leave me. If it meant spending the rest of my life groveling for forgiveness I would. I just didn't want him to leave.

"I don't now whether or not to believe you or Athrun."

I sniffed, my throat felt dry and thick.

"Please, don't cry."

I smiled and took in Kiras face. I love him so much, I wish I could go back time and changed everything, I wouldn't have betrayed him like I had.

"Your lip is still bleeding." I said suddenly concerned, it should have stopped by now.

"Is it?" He said, placing a finger to his lips and looked at the blood that collected there.

"I'll get a wet cloth."

"No need."

I ignored him, and went to get a cloth from the counter, wetting it; I quickly returned and gently placed it to his lips, slapping his hands away when he went to take it from me.

"Does it hurt?" I ask apprehensive. His lip might need stitches.

"No, I think I did a little more damage than Athruns wedding ring." Kira joked; I glared at him for the inappropriateness.

"You're not cute."

"You sure?" He grinned. I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, Kira was never good in tense situations, and sadly his bad sense of humor didn't help things very much. I decided to go along anyways.

"Not with that cut on your lip."

"Aww."

I actually managed a laugh, Kira did look offended by that comment, but a second later he was smiling.

"I love you…" I said softly taking the cloth from his lips.

"But you love him too." He said his voice distant again.

"No, I don't. But I won't make excuses for what I did. I betrayed you in the worse possible way."

"I left you alone."

"You were busy, I should have understood that." I felt myself beginning to cry again. Why was I always so weak when it came to him?

"Is it true? What Athrun told me?" Kira asked his voice sounded hopeful.

Shrugging I turned away from him. "What did he tell you?"

"That you said no."

"I did."

"That you pushed him away."

Again I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have throttled him."

I turned to glare at him but he wasn't joking this time, his eyes held nothing but seriousness.

"I feel dirty." I said truthfully. "You must think I'm dirt. No better than a whore."

Kira gently took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Never, I would never think those terrible things of you, and you shouldn't either. Never think lowly of yourself Lacus. Please, you perfect, more than I ever deserved."

I was speechless.

"I was wrong to neglect our family the way I did. I've grown to know that you'll always be there when I return, I've treated you terribly."

I placed a hand on his cheek and stroked the skin there. "Kira…"

"I don't want to leave Lacus, but please don't lie to me. Do you love him, know that I'll take care of you no matter what; all I ask is that you be honest. Do you love him?"

I was about to respond but Kira face made me stop to think. He was placing his faith in me, he wanted to stay, but only if I wanted him too, he was offering me a choice. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks and I lunged at him, knocking him to the floor and pounding on his chest.

"You idiot, you moron, you …you…" I was even surprised by my language.

"Ah, Lacus!" Kira called out surprised.

I leaned up, my face inches from his. "How could you? How could you think something so terrible?"

"Umm…"

"I love you, how many times do I have to say this before you believe me? I don't want Athrun, I want you, and I've only ever wanted you. Maybe there was a time when I could have been happy with Athrun but…oh you little twit!" I hugged him, wrapping my arms around him as best as I could.

Kira sat up, pulling me against him.

"I'm sorry."

"You aren't leaving?" I asked, still a little worked up over everything that's happened.

"No, I'm not."

"Good."

We held one another for a moment longer.

"I don't know what to do now…" Kira murmured into my hair as he pressed his face against me.

"What do you mean?" I asked slightly worried.

"Athrun…Cagalli…things are just so complicated." Kira said softly.

"I don't care." I mumbled against his neck as I pressed myself closer to him.

Kira craned his neck to look at me.

I sighed my throat was starting to hurt. "I know things won't be the same…"

"Maybe we should see a councilor."

I flinched. "If that's what you want."

"Things won't blow over just like that. I'm still angry Lacus. Not at you, but I'm angry."

"I understand."

Kira simply hugged me; I couldn't ask anything more of him. He was willing to work this out; it would take time before everything to get back to normal. But it was a small price to pay.

I looked up at Kira and he waited for me to speak.

"Maybe we should renew our vows?"

Kira smiled.

"That's one idea…"

* * *

**Author's notes**: _To my readers…_

_1) I see that not too many of you have much faith in me…I don't consider this sappy romance considering there is no cliché happy ever after. Kira and Lacus aren't completely out of the woods yet…_

_2) Vulgar comments are not welcomed, anyone who was immature enough to use derogatory terms and language to make inappropriate comments about me on a personal level…I have nothing to say to you. Perhaps you will wait until a story is actually finished before judging it._

_3) The next chapter will hopefully be the last one. I'm debating between Kira and Lacus renewing their vows or having Kira and Athrun patch things up. To Athrun and Cagalli fans, sorry, Athrun and Cagalli's relationship will most likely be sacrificed. _

_That is all, to those who offered constructive criticism, thank you for your support._

_Read and Review…_


	3. In a Perfect World

**Main Pairing: **None

**Summary:** I promise to remain true to you, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live. Sometimes mistakes happen, and for Kira and Lacus moving on is one of the hardest things to do.

**Warning:** Contains course language, and mature thyme. Not recommended for anyone under 14 years of age.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny; they belong to Sunrise, Bandai, and Sotsu Agency. No trademark infringement intended and no money was made from this fic. Any similarity to names or events to any individuals or other works is coincidental.

* * *

**No Yesterdays**

Chapter Three: In a Perfect World

_Three months later…_

I feel terrible, the woman across from me looks so calm and collected, but her eyes, once so strong were now brimmed with tears. It was an odd sight to see. I can't even remember the last time I saw Cagalli cry…excluding the war of course.

"I'm sorry Cagalli." I knew my words wouldn't help, but it was the only thing I could do to stop from crying myself. Talking kept my mind busy.

"It's not your fault. I don't blame you." The simple statement was genuine but its broken tone was more than a little heart wrenching.

I swallowed dryly; the tea I drank slowly did nothing to quench my thirst.

Most people saw Cagalli as a brash and borderline rude person, but anyone close to her knew different. The young politician was sweet and most defiantly understanding in her own way.

"So, has Athrun…?" I trailed off, I wasn't aware of how much Athrun had told her, I had stopped talking to him over these past few months.

Cagalli nodded her head while wiping at her tears roughly with the backs of her hands. "He told me everything, apologized for everything."

"I see…" It was to be expected, Athrun was an honest person overall.

With red eyes Cagalli sniffled, Cagalli was such a beautiful person and it hurt to see her in such poor condition.

"I signed the papers a week ago; everything will be final in a few days." Cagalli explained her voice was rough from her attempts to keep from sobbing.

I looked down at my hands… I desperately wished that Kira would get home soon.

"I'm sorry Cagalli, really I am. I didn't want things to turn out like this." My rambling wasn't helping.

Cagalli looked away from me, her pride of letting herself fall in such a weak state taking over. "Athrun is a good man, I know that much."

This surprised me, I expected Cagalli to be angry, though she was an understanding person she was also sensitive, just as much so as Kira, but she expressed in a different way, a more violent way.

"You, you don't blame Athrun?" I questioned.

Amber eyes hardened. "Of course I blame him. But I know how he acts normally, and though he has made a mistake, a hurtful mistake, I do not hold a grudge. Athrun is an excellent solider and a good man. I will not let this come between our friendships, but as far as our relationship in the romantic sense…it's dead to me."

Silence enveloped the room...

"Dear me Cagalli, I think that's the most mature thing you have ever said." I couldn't help the giggled that fallowed.

Even Cagalli in her broken condition managed a smile. "Yeah, I suppose I am growing up."

* * *

_Five months later…._

Kira and I went to a councilor as Kira suggested. I still find the whole idea weird, and a bit embarrassing, so does Kira but he doesn't know how to make things better without some outside help.

He's much better, not completely healed even if the whole ordeal was a large misunderstanding. I think he just has trouble clearing the image from his mind as I have clearing the guilt of allowing it to happen. He doesn't blame me though, as he constantly reminds me, he treats me better than I could ever imagine. But there are still times when he looks away from be sadly, or stares longingly like I'm about to disappear, in truth I believe those stares are what have made my side of the recovery rather difficult.

The councilor says that I'm lucky to have someone who is willing to change so much for me. I suppose that is true, but I don't want Kira to change. He was perfect before, even if he could have been home a little more often. After all I should have understood a little better, I should have spoken more about my loneliness.

But this constant need he has bothers me. I feel like he's taking the blame on his own, as he always does. Not speaking to me, and shutting my out…it's more than I can bear.

"Kira?" I call out as we prepare for bed.

"Hmm?" He hums as he settles himself in the bed, leaning against the headboard as he looks up at me.

I follow suit and cannot help the knot that tightens in my stomach as we lay together, the last time we were intimate was before he had caught Athrun and I.

"Kira, are you still angry?" I whispered against his neck as I cuddled close.

He pauses for a moment then sighs. "No, I'm not angry anymore."

I frown. "Are you sure?"

A hand much larger than mine tips my head so that I am staring into gorgeous violet eyes. He smiles at me kindly. "I'm not mad anymore. I've learned to accept all that has happened as a mile stone we have to cross as a couple."

I smiled back. "Those meetings are getting to you I see." I tease him, remembering the same line coming from our councilor, a young woman with thick brimmed glasses who blushed every time Kira asked her a question.

Kira makes a face. "Please don't mention those…I hate those boring meetings."

My brows knot together as I poke him in the chest. "You were the one who wanted to attend those seminars."

A groan escapes his throat and vibrates to his chest. "That doesn't mean I like them. That woman thinks she knows too much, and I find the whole ordeal with her agreeing with me on every little thing more than a little suspicious."

I laughed, trust Kira to be the only man on earth to doubt being right.

"I think she has a thing for you, that or she's worried about upsetting the great general of Orb, but she is right you didn't do anything wrong. You just have to make more time for me and the kids, which you have." My teasing was becoming more often than usual, Kira called it a sign of improvement I called it a sign of concealed concern.

Kira rolled his eyes at the first part before wrapping his arms around me. "I wish I could forget everything."

I sighed and lent against his strong frame. "I wish I could turn back time."

Kira tighten his grip around my smaller frame and I wince a little and he loosens it, sometimes he forgets how strong he really is. "I love you."

"And I love you."

"I spoke to Athrun today." Surprisingly his tone remained neutral.

My heart skipped a beat and I tightened my hold on him. "Oh…"

A hand stroked my hair. "He came to my office today unannounced. He apologized and told me about him and Cagalli, they are fully devoiced and Cagalli made him the head of a new project."

This sparked my interest. "That's all?"

"No, he wanted to know why she would do that. He said that he was half expecting to be exiled from Orb, wanted to know if I had any clue on why she did that."

I smiled; Cagalli certainly had a cruel way of revenge. "I think she wants to show that they can still be friends, but at the same time put him through as much torture as she can."

Kira frowned puzzled. "I don't follow you."

I leaned up and pecked him on the lips gently. "Think about it. Athrun cheated, or attempted to cheat on his wife. But Cagalli still wants to be friends, but at the same time she can't let him off the hook. So what better way to get her revenge by piling on the paper work, stress and awkwardness of working with the best friend whose trust he betrayed; but at the same time this is a great honor and privilege in the military, it shows she still respects him and trusts in on a professional level."

I stopped to take a breath that was quite a mouthful to say.

Kira blinked his large eyes slowly before shaking his head miserably. "Women are cruel; if I was Cagalli I would have broken his nose and be done with it."

I laughed at Kiras seriousness. "She has you and the entire Orb forces for that, this way she can play the part of both a friend, and a vengeful ex-wife." I joked lightly.

Kira laughed. "I think that I might feel sorry for him."

I smiled. "Are things better between you two?"

Kira looked away. "Better, but no where near finished. It will take time before I can fully trust him again."

"That's understandable, are you at least on friendlier terms?" Being left in the dark wasn't something I was used to. As a political figure I was use to knowing everything, now with all this drama and maternity leave I was relaying life and soul on Kira for info on everything.

"If by that you mean I haven't taken a swing at him then yes." Kira yawned tiredly and I glared at him.

His puzzled expression was comical but I didn't dare laugh. "What?"

A sighed and turned on my side away from him. "I don't like this."

"And you think I do?"

I cringed, I don't want to argue. "That's not what I meant; I mean I don't like you acting like this, keeping everything to yourself. I want you to talk to me, to let me know that you're alright."

"You know I am." His tone was softer, gentler.

I sat up but kept my back to him. "I want you hear you say it! I can feel it, but sometimes that's not enough, I need to hear you say that you're fine, or hurt, or whatever."

A pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist. "Lacus, it's not like I'm enjoying this. I want nothing more than to throw reason to the wind and be happy again. But it's not that simple."

A sigh escaped my lips before I could stop it. "I understand that, but this guilt is eating away at me. How long am I supposed to live in torture by not knowing if you have forgiven Athrun and me?"

"I have forgiven-

"No!" The interruption was sudden.

My outburst startled even me. Kira closed his mouth and waited for me to continue.

"I hate wondering if you and Athrun will ever be friends again. You say you have forgiven me, but I won't believe that you could possibly forgive me until you forgive Athrun. What he did was wrong but…he's your best friend."

A silence passed between us before Kira spoke again.

"It's not the same." Kira squeezed my shoulder gently.

"It is to me. Talk to him, I'm not saying you have to be friends again…just like that. But you have to find a common ground. You must find peace." Turning to look at my husband I saw his eyes narrowed in thought.

Kira gave a small movement his hands playing with the hem of a blanket. "I'll speak with him tomorrow."

Even in the unhappy atmosphere I managed a small smile.

"Thank you Kira."

* * *

_One Year Later…_

Surprising going back to work was more difficult than I ever thought possible. Leaving my now one year old girl in the care of a nanny during the day was difficult. I had been in complete control of the rising and supervision of my children for the last three years practically, but now I had to lend my trust in someone else.

With the boys it had been easier. Perhaps because they are twins and older, and being coordinators they were already walking, talking and even learning the simplest of tasks to take care of themselves. My little girl was only one though; still young even my coordinator standards and I found her to be all too helpless. I would get over my fears though, besides I can't protect them forever.

Now this was it. Kira and I had agreed no more children until we were at least 33; we were defiantly in over our heads with children and responsibility that came with them, not to mention Kira had the entire Orb forces to look after as well.

"Are you nervous?" Cagalli had always been a supporter in my political career. She in fact had been rather bothered when Kira had accepted an offer as Orbs General, as she was expecting us to stay in PLANT to pursue my careers as a singer, she was pleased of course, but in reality never expected him to accept her offer.

I didn't mind the change of plans at all…

"A little, but now I will be able to keep better tabs on Kira." I joked.

Cagalli laughed. "I wonder how the Orb people would react to see their General so whipped."

I laughed to; there was a plus side of going back to work. A day filled with Cagalli was guaranteed to be interesting.

"Speaking of Kira and Athrun, where are they?" I asked looking around the vast building Cagalli had led me to.

The Head-Official pointed lazily to her left. "I think Kira is buried somewhere under that piece of junk, and Athrun can't be too far behind."

Looking the direction Cagalli pointed in, I saw what looked to be the remains of an aircraft. And sure enough under it I could see a pair of legs, with blue pants that were smeared with grease.

"Thank you." I said quickly before leaving Cagalli and heading off towards the mess.

Standing next to the mangled aircraft I waited patiently. I could hear Kira talking to himself, and I could not help but chuckle.

My laughter only intensified ten fold when Kiras greased streaked face and messy hair popped out from under the remains.

I smiled down at the ruffled man. "Isn't this a job more suited to a mechanic Kira?"

Kira gave an uncaring sound.

Shaking my head I hunched so that I was leaning back on my heels. "Your going to either a) kill yourself or b) ruin this poor machine even further."

Kira sat up and motioned for me to do the same. "You'll get your cloths dirty."

I grinned. "Why are you doing this by yourself?"

Kira gave a small heave of his shoulders before wiping his hands off with a rag. "Its not just me, Athrun is helping as well."

This interested me greatly. Besides the fact that Kira had reassured me that he and Athrun were on better terms, the subject was never discussed.

"Oh, why is that?"

Kira looked away bashfully. "Well you see, this is Athruns project."

Startled I looked back at the twisted pieces of metal and wire that apparently was once a working aircraft.

"This is his project?"

"Well, it _was_ his project. He decided to take it for a test run and….well not everything was in proper working order. We are trying to restore it enough so that we can salvage what we can so that he can design another prototype." Kira explained looking at the machine in distress.

Frowning I looked at Kira with question. "And why are you helping him again?" I highly doubted this was some strange turn of friendly helpfulness.

Kira blushed and scratched his neck. "Well, I…you see I was the one that crashed it."

"What!?" I shouted startled, I was terrified that Kira had been in the machine when it crashed. "You could have been killed!" I looked back to the destroyed aircraft and shuddered.

Kira waved me off. "Its not as bad as it seems, we've stripped it and have taken a lot of the armor and weapons off. Believe me if you had seen it before we got our hands on it, you wouldn't be so concerned."

"I highly doubt that." I muttered, a mental image of Kira bruised and cut, trapped in the small confinements of the crushed cockpit, took over my vision temporarily.

"Kira!"

Be bother turned to see and equally greased up Athrun running over with a folder and a laptop, along with some kind of cord.

"Can you please check my calculations on the thrusters and take a look at the OS, I thought I had covered everything but from that unexpected landing apparently- Ah! Oh, hey Lacus…" Athrun muttered when he finally noticed me. The man gave a sheepish grin.

I glared at both of them. "You're like children."

Kira took the cord and computer before looking back at me. "I'm probably going to be here for the rest of the morning, you should head back to work. I'd give you a hug goodbye but…" Kira trailed off and looked at his dirty cloths and then back to my spotless dress with an apologetic look.

Giving a nod I left with a quick goodbye to Athrun who returned it with a nod. Once a safe distance away however I stopped to watch the two. Kira was on the computer no doubt perfecting the OS with his programming skills while Athrun resumed Kiras former place under the Aircraft.

Funny, looking at them now no one could have guessed that the two might have some unfinished business of trust issues. They way they bantered well heartedly over the machines maintenance and structure reminded me of them in their teen years during the wars.

Smiling I took a final look and left after Cagalli. Things would never be the same, and I can not erase the mistakes Athrun and I have made. But if Kira and Cagalli can find a way to move on and if Athrun can live with his actions…then I can to.

What is done is done, and no amount of praying and wishing can change yesterdays misfortunes, the past can be hurtful but with out it there would be no joy or laughter either. A world with no yesterdays is not one I would wish to see.

* * *

**Authors Note:** _It's completed…_

_1) Personally speaking this was just a quick way to experiment with the first person point of view, and I picked Lacus because her character I find is so structured in black and white that I wanted to see if I could pull off different moods and feelings. I'm fairly pleased the results._

_2) Last I was trying to tie up loose ends without it being too quick paced. That idea has failed terribly, but hopefully it's satisfactory to you the reader… I hope._

_3) I am well aware of the misspelling of the word 'theme', it's a little inside joke between me and another reader…but it's good to see that you all are paying attention to detail._

_4) This little fic as received mixed reviews and I'm thrilled and inspired by most of the responses. Though the first chapter was obviously too extravagant, and controversial for some, but in the end it all worked out pleasantly._

_Thank you again to all those who offered constructive criticism and support; this final chapter is dedicated to all of you. _


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